I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
