Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Will you blow on my dice?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
