Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
