cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
