Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
wrigley field is MILF paradise
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
