I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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