There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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