so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
