I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
