I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
