My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
