Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
