whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
