I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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