I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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