do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
