u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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