Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
