Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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