the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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