Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
