Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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