I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
