Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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