Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize