for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
