Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
