I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
