I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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