THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
