I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The best revenge is premature balding
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
