So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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