I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
