I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
