i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
