is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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