i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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