:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
