How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
