Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize