if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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