How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
