He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
