Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize