Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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