He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
