Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
