but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
