i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
