no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
