I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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