wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
