so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
