well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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