Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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