so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
