can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm like, not good at living.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
