She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
it glows. i had to have it.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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