i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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