I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
