Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Let's paint friendship bongs
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
