she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
birth control should be required to get into college
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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