Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
