I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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