I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I didn't notice because vodka
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
