Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
How does it feel to date your dad?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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