ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
