I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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