I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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