So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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